Why I Don’t Love My Fiance

In 130 days I’m getting married, and a friend recently asked me why I love my fiancé. I wanted to share a deeper perspective on Amanda and I’s relationship, so before I answered why I love her, I had to first explain to him the reasons I don’t love my future bride to be.

I came to two conclusions:
First is, I don’t love Amanda for what’s on the outside. I know. It sounds cheesy, it sounds sappy. This perspective is not a novel idea by any means. How many times have you heard someone say, “I don’t love you for what’s on the outside. I love you for what’s on the inside.” But that brings me to my second conclusion.

I don’t love Amanda for what’s on the inside either.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are many things on the inside and outside that I love about Amanda. Here’s a short list.

1. On the outside, she’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.
2. She has soft, almond shaped brown eyes.
3. She has gorgeous, versatile hair that can be really curly sometimes and smooth and straight other times.
4. She’s a beast at make up. She does it in a way that enhances the beautiful qualities that she already has, without being too overbearing.
5. She has a smile that can light up a room and brighten anyone’s day.
6. She values health and fitness and this shows through her wonderful figure and physique.

Guys are visual creatures, and it’s refreshing to know that I have an incredibly beautiful woman that will be my wife one day.

But it doesn’t stop there because on the inside, she’s exponentially more valuable.
7. She loves God more than anything else, and her relationship with Him is what she values most.
8.She is always looking for opportunities to serve others. Last week, I had a long week at school, and when I walked into my room, she had straightened up, she was making my bed, and she greeted me with a really big hug. It doesn’t get better than that.
9. She values the importance of a positive mindset, which encourages myself and others around her during times of trials and difficulties.
10. She is someone with purpose in mind. She doesn’t want to live an ordinary life. She wants to live a life of significance, not for her own recognition but to truly spread the love of Christ and the gospel.

Amanda is awesome. Seriously. I couldn’t have asked for a better teammate.

I love these things about her, but this is not why I love her. As I said before, I neither love her for what’s on the outside, nor do I love her for what’s on the inside.

I love her because I choose to.

In 130 short days, I will be Amanda’s husband. And at that moment, I will have a big responsibility on my shoulders — to love my wife as Christ loves his church.

Ephesians 5:25 – Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. 

So I thought about the love Christ has for me and the rest of His church. It’s unconditional on what I have done and it’s unconditional on what I do in the future. When I accept Christ, I’m in his family. Romans 8:38 tells me that nothing can ever separate me from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate me from God’s love.

So just as Christ loves the church unconditionally, I as a husband will have to love my wive the same.

And let’s be honest. Christ doesn’t love me for what’s on the outside and he doesn’t love me for what’s on the inside either.

Honestly I’m not good enough.

In fact, no one is good. In Luke 18:19, A ruler questioned Jesus, saying, “Good Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?” And Jesus said to him, “Why do you call Me good? No one is good except God alone.”

And so if God doesn’t love me for what’s on the outside, and if I’m no good on the inside, then why does He love me?

Because He chooses to.

It’s not sexy. It’s not flashy. It’s countercultural. But God’s always choosing people. Whether it be Old Testament or New Testament, the Bible is jam packed of people that were chosen by God.

In Isaiah 43, God says “You are my witnesses,…,and my servant whom I have chosen”

In Ephesians 1, I learned He chose me “in Him before the foundation of the world.”

In John 15, Jesus says “You did not choose Me but I chose you.” 

So what my love boils down to is not Amanda’s beautiful brown eyes, Amanda’s positive mindset, or the fact that she is incredibly good looking. My love boils down to a choice to pursue a covenant relationship with her and only her. By choosing Amanda, and saying “yes” to her, I’m also saying “no” to everyone else.

My marriage vows won’t say “I’ll love you through sickness and health…as long you keep working out, and stay below this weight….and  keep your hair long….and remain gentle and genuine.”  In 30 years, Amanda and I will look different, act different, and be different than we are now at the age of 21 and 20 years old.

Things change. But my marriage vows won’t. They’re modeled after the love of Christ, and His love is unconditional.

But Michael, what if she goes crazy

What if she cuts off all her hair?

What if her heart of gold turns into a heart of stone?

Quite frankly, it doesn’t matter. I gotta love through it. When I commit to a covenant relationship in 130 days, I’m committing myself to a choice to love without conditions.

That’s how Jesus loves me.

And if you don’t know Christ, I encourage you to explore what it means to have a relationship with Him. He is the truest example of love that we have.

I love you guys, and I’ll talk to you soon.

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517 thoughts on “Why I Don’t Love My Fiance

  1. I just got married a week ago and this means so much to me. I am a Minister of Music and a Music Teacher at a Christian school, and a life-long follower of Christ Jesus, and this blog resonates completely within me.

    Love is a choice, not something you fall into and can’t get out of. Choose to love her everyday.

  2. I wish you and Amanda all the happiness in the world ,God bless you both , but when you have him on your team everything is wonderful !!!! God been with my marriage for 33 years and God take care of all are up and down, it”s awesome.

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  9. Shes a blessed lady to have one who is godly, and intentional about his marriage vows. God bless you both with a long and happy, God – centered marriage.

  10. You definitely have the correct mindset going in Michael! I pray you and your wife-to-be nothing but continued love, success, and happiness. My beautiful wife Lisa and I have been married for 23 years, and I could truly tell you I’m in love with her more now than ever. Now, we’ve both recently reached our 50th birthdays, but if your marriage is built and centered around God first, your spouse and children after that, and in THAT order, then God will grant you the desires of your heart; not only where your marriage is concerned, but in all paths you are about to embark on. Now, here’s my sagacious advice to young men of God who truly want to be reminded of that covenant they’ve entered into with their spouses. You said (correctly) that men are visual creatures and to that end, with love, I suggest you print out these words you’ve put out publicly. Put it on some nice paper and in a frame to DISPLAY just as proudly and as eloquently as you have in this post. Your accountability to God, your wife and yourself, will be forever in view for you to see. You will need this sometimes, even though His word is hidden in your heart. The attacks of the enemy come hard and sometimes out of nowhere, and please don’t get it twisted; they are official and real! The divorce rate for our saints is in line with every other socio-economic group. Unfortunately, that’s to say 1 out of 2 won’t make it. Let the visual contract you’ve entered into help to remind you that you are more than a conqueror and with God I’m prayerful that you’ll keep this and all His commandments. Just so you know little brother, it’s the greatest physical journey on earth if you do it right. God bless you!

      • Well then I’m humbled Brother. Same invitation for you in Raleigh, NC. Here’s my info; hit me up anytime man.
        My company is OTS, inc. Lisa and I own it together. here’s the website: http://www.omegatrainingsolutions.com
        @NY2NCPage for Twitter
        and we’re both on FB as well. Walter Page/Lisa Page
        Stay encouraged and keep encouraging my man!

  11. God bless you sir! Wow! Wooow!!! This has been my mindset all along..but many argued against it. Am marrying my fiancee next year. And she has beautiful qualities. Including one of the best voices I’ve ever heard–plus she’s a beautiful worshipper. YET I love her crazily because God said “she is your wife”. We were only friends before HE said it. And immediately I agreed a portal of divine love was released from God through my innermost to her. I simply called her and said “you are my wife, go and pray”. She did…and HE showed her too. We’ve been increasing in love since then. Simply put, I put election over selection. I trusted God’s love through me and made GOD’s election my selection. And I always say this “I don’t trust my love for you. If its about me, am super selfish. But I trust God’s love through me to you, as long as I keep the tap open BY maintaining my decision to love you BY His enablement.” My beloved sisters…I dunno what you have gone through as touching relationships, but I urge you, seek God’s face and just trust Him. He has already parcelled Himself in a man for you-a man who by his selfless love for you will give you a revelation of God’s love in a practical way”. Again, God bless you sir!

  12. Good to know that there are still guys like you who realize that marriage is covenant and commitment not based on external or internal factors; and that love is to be unconditional whether reciprocated or not.

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  14. Let me just say that this was fantastic. It was breathtakingly beautiful! I got married recently, 6 months ago to be exact and I cannot begin to explain how incredible it has been! You allll the time hear about hoe the first 6 months are hard or how marriage in itself is hard. And yes, it is to a certain degree. Does my husband irritate me? Yes. Do he anger me sometimes? Oh yes. Does he act like a 4 year old every do often? Absolutely. But I do the same thing too. Marriage is SUCH a blessing! Where else do you get to be with the one person that God designed you to be with? God, the creator of EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE created a special soul just for you. So you could love and cherish and be with for eternity. WHAT?? How magical is that!!! God is the most important corner stone in a marriage. Keep him first and you will prosper. Good luck!!! God bless!

  15. Reblogged this on MindTravels- Deoye Falade's blog and commented:
    Wanted to post something different before I came across this and I just had to share because it just captures what I really believe about love and marriage. It’s insane, really! But the core truth of it all is that love is a choice. And when we approach our relationships with this mindset – a mindset that abhors throwing things away just because it cant be fixed, we’ll begin to enjoy more wholesome and rewarding relationships with our loved ones.

    I’m not married yet, not even close. Heck, I don’t even know when or if it’s gonna happen but If I’m gonna take that step, it’s definitely going to be a step of loving intentionally.

    Read, enjoy and be impacted.

    Cheers!

  16. hmmmmmmm I am over whelmed by this write up.Truthfully speaking, my fiance has dis mindset and I use to think,oh maybe he is covering up with that,does he really love me from his heart? or is he just trying to love me because he has to.But I tot it tru and I think d holy spirit still played a vital role in convincing me dat that’s d best love I can wish for. a man dat loves like Christ,how sweet dat is.am praying God help me love him and summit to him continuously. I love my fiance so much,God bless him.

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